It Takes a Village

Have you read HRC’s Children’s book? It is so perfectly illustrated, so mature, smart and inclusive beyond words. And so the #truth. It takes a village.

The more I grow up, the more my family seems to multiply, the more I am astounded by my parents’ bravery in moving to a new foreign country with 2 young kids, and (essentially) no village... how did they do it? I have no clue, now from the other side I admire them even more. I am forever grateful for them not only raising us as (I’d like to think) good humans, but maintaining their sanity throughout. You see, my sister and I were 7&10 when we moved to NJ for a short stint, to a few little (adorable) tiny towns with-from what I can recall- little to no immigrants- my question is, those first few years who did she turn to? FaceTime and Skype were not things, the internet -get ready for this-had.not.been.invented.yet. #imold. I do remember one or two families we befriended who were also Brazilian... maybe there was a mama village albeit small that I just don’t remember as I was so young and oblivious. Once we moved to O-town, things must have gotten better. The village grew, thank goodness... that family of mine is all sorts of realness and amazing. Even as a kid, I needed that. Stop, as I read this I realize I am not being fair. My family in Brazil is amazing-but they’re in Brasil.... so O-town clan became it for celebrations, successes, failures, sicknesses, all of it. And I am forever grateful. 

As they grow, we will try to make the kids see just how lucky we are to have an amazing village opening up their homes and hearts to us as we survive these first few years. It’s a season people keep telling me. I love everyday and everyday simultaneously exhausts me so. It is such a beautiful, chaotic, nerve racking experience I never could have imagined and believe me I tried. 

Today we had an impromptu visit from a dear friend and it rejuvenated me, I borrowed some spaghetti sauce from a neighbor and it lightened my load, I am so glad for these people who make life a little easier everyday. Golly piffle where would I be without them? Probably a slobbering mess feeding my kids tortelini dry, maybe dipped in salsa eww. 

I digress... My husband is the most generous human I have ever met, he is jovial, he is kind, he is funny, he is sweeter than the sweetest candy you have ever tasted. He makes me want to give everything I own to anyone deserving simply because it’s the right thing to do. He makes me a better human. It’s like he is the mayor of this little village of mine; at least in my eyes he is. We try to return the favor to this little village of ours and beyond... we are kind in our family, we open up our home to any and everyone, I can only hope our littles see it and live this way as they grow into adults. Cheers to trying to make the world a better place- thanks to all of you. 

Apple juice

Why aren’t iPhone chargers called apple juice? I’m so punny, go ahead you can think it, you can say it aloud. Or you can chuckle at me or with me- smile, it gives us life. If I were an iPhone, I got some apple juice this morning. But I’m not, I’m a mama, so I got a mimosa and coffee and conversation ... at brunch... with my mama posse. It was glorious, a wonderful way to recharge my battery.

Prior to having little ones I didn’t fully grasp the concept of how time away from the kids makes you appreciate them more- makes you a better parent. It is so true, so necessary! As we move forward, as this insanity becomes a more manageable reality, we learn, (and I personally am learning) that we need time for us... not just date night, not just work time with other adults- who can bring us out of diapers and nick jr-for some “me” time. Frivolous time essentially misconstrued as unnecessary, but here’s a tip for new moms: IT IS SO INCREDIBLY ESSENTIAL!!!! My husband and I have been trying to give each other some grace as of late, each one biting the bullet and allowing the other to take some time away, because that apple juice is so necessary for life, for a better tomorrow. 

You know what’s funny? I had wonderful conversation at brunch, finally, a conversation with a super intelligent group of women about concepts, ideas, our personal history, and every single topic of conversation came back to the babies, to the center of our worlds! Shows our love, right? Shows our insanity as mamas, we crave that time away to recharge yet our minds are never fully away. Here’s my question, does it ever go away? The feeling of being pulled in a million directions? I heard it gets worse once the kids are grown and not needing you 100%, once they move out and the worry is not just about a scraped knee or sticking their little hands in the toilet, but of driving, parties, bills, etc. Golly piffle life is rough.

One of my mentors tells me to worry is to not have faith. So I try not to worry but wow it’s difficult. Another one of my mentors has her kids spread out all over the world and I can’t imagine her worry, yet she encouraged them to conquer the world. What love these women have for their grown children. I strive to be more like them everyday. AND remind myself to get some apple juice- or orange juice & champagne... because as my very first mentor in life told me before I went to college: everything in moderation. It has stuck with me, food, alcohol, kids, dance- everything in moderation. Where would I be without these women giving me the keys to the world?

 I am the luckiest- Ben Folds knew it when he wrote that song. 

So, today, how are YOU going to recharge your battery? Give yourself some grace, give your partner some space, share the love not only for your kids, but for yourself. You matter too. 💋

Kids say the darnest things

Wasn’t that a TV show, Kids Say the Darnest Things? Yeah I think so- but we can’t talk about it since the host turned out to be a predator... but it was. And I’ve always known kids to say funny things at the most inopportune times from my dance teaching days.... but now I have one of those little parrots in my house listening 24/7!!! AAAAAH!

Here’s the thing, pre-kids, my husband’s and my language usage was pretty colorful, we have tried to quiet that extravagance now that we have copycats at home... but sometimes old habits die hard! For example, my preferred term to our situation when we go out with all 3 of our little guys is “sh*tshow.” I have been using this term for a few months now- and was in no way influenced by he who shall not be named’s “shithole.” My term is also used in jest- not seriously.... I can (obviously) take a joke without running to Twitter, unlike some idiots. But, I digress. Oh! By the by, words such as “ but” or “butt” and  even the word “BUTtons” are met with giggles at my house these days, as are fart, toot, and so many more. And it is so difficult to sensor oneself on a day to day- even with the tiny hall monitor sounding its alarm: 

 “mommy you said a bad word” ...

 “yes sweetie, mommy’s a grown up, but I’m sorry I won’t say it again.” 

“When I’m 4, I’ll be a grown up and I’ll say ALL the bad words” #SMH

Forgive me! I’m trying to censor myself! As is my husband! So when the playground was met with an f bomb from our Sweet cherub of a son, we created a new term to be used in times of frustration and excitement alike  GOLLY PIFFLE! Please, feel free to use it too, maybe it’ll be a new trend, and we will have coined it- golly piffle that would be cool! So, at least our household is no longer met with (as much) profanity, but instead, with golly piffle and a giggle for the most part. 

So, I hope your day is met with instances of excitement and you can try it out, golly piffle. Go ahead, say it aloud, it rolls off the tongue with a sense of satisfaction.... you just said it didn’t you? Well, golly piffle I’m proud of you. And golly piffle I’m also glad it’s Friday! 

Dogs- A man’s best friend

Ok so I got married in September and I wanted to be pregnant by December of that same year. It may have been my first lesson in life that you can’t always get what you want 🎶.... it was so difficult, I felt like a failure. A failure as a woman, a failure as a (newlywed) wife, a failure as a person who plans it all ahead of time. You could say it was my first lesson in patience.

Fast forward to May, my very supportive husband’s birthday. As a surprise I got him a dog! A bull mastiff puppy weighing in at 18lbs! Harlie! We were so in love! I was temporarily distracted from that baby fever. I dressed that dog up, I put heated blankets on her during winter, she was spoiled to say the least. I needed to nurture someone and she won the lottery in that aspect! Fast forward 2 years, still no human baby but I convinced my (still supportive) husband to get another puppy! So we did... and I remember a friend of mine telling me “once you have kids your dogs will NOT be your priority, in fact they’ll be a nuisance.” And I remember thinking “pshhh NOT me, not my baby dogs!” My dog babies, by the way, a funny antecdote, we brought home our 2nd dog, Dakota, on a Saturday and found out we were expecting our first child that Tuesday... THREE.days.later. The amount of morning sickness that coincided with the  puppy potty training should have been my first indication of the years ahead. As my belly grew, so did Dakota. By the time baby boy made his appearance, our dogs weighed in at 89 and 99 pounds!

And now, years later, with three babies and two (giant) dogs, most of the time our house feels crowded. With three babies and two (giant) dogs our priorities have shifted. With three (young) babies and two (giant) dogs, their size seems daunting. With three babies and two (giant) dogs, in a way, Harlie’s lottery win has faded. But, she’s earned one puppy sister and three human siblings. The dogs are so loved, by the kids especially, they always want to cuddle and climb and feed the puppies. But, BUT, that need to nurture them I had when Harlie was tiny, has overflowed to the trio of completely dependent tots and the doggies have been demoted- they’re not always our priority and they (mostly their strong wagging tails and loud barks -during naptime!!!!) are sometimes viewed as a nuisance. I stand corrected. Pfffffft

However, there is a saying that states you don’t choose your family, they choose you. Harlie and Dakota are part of our little family. They keep us safe from leaves 🍁 blowing in the wind, they keep our fenced in backyard safe from neighbors who want to enjoy their own backyard, they sound their bark-alarm anytime the mailman dares to cross our property line... they’re incredibly patient as the kids want to ride the horsey, they’re incredibly patient as they’re fed toddler sticky treats and (secretly) fruit snacks, they’re incredibly patient as our focus is on keeping the trio alive and well. Maybe one day our focus will shift and the valance will sway their way again. Maybe one day the tiny tots will grow older and become best friends and nurture each other!   

These (giant) dogs were my therapy for a long time. It’s all I can do to keep them here, loved, tot-abused, tot-treat-fed, because I won the puppy lottery... as much as I’ve shifted- golly piffle, they’re always there.

That pic was taken almost 8 years ago!!!!!

Snow Day

Hello from the other side 🎶

...

Snow days are the BEST thing in the world. You can stay home! You don’t have to go to work! You can laze around in your pajamas all day! You technically don’t have to get anything done because it’s like a bonus day! A get out of jail free card! Enjoy the laziness!

... that is unless you have a small army of toddlers and/or infants running your household. I’ve become the cynic, the parent who cringes at the words “snow day” in fact there might have been a little tear at the thought of another housebound day with kids who today were literally jumping off furniture- bouncing off the walls. Activities, outdoors, and distraction are all necessary tools for survival! Today was frigid here and we exhausted all our possibilities ... it was a long day! And then, tonight, kids (and teachers) everywhere were jumping for joy because tomorrow? Snow day again! For frigid temps! You know what that means? Too cold to go any.where. And NO beautiful fluffy snow to play in/distract! It’s cruel! So... I’m pulling out all the stops tomorrow, and my type A personality self made a list. So if you’re like me and need a list here’s mine: 

And my almost 4 year old helped me.... so some details are irrelevant but we’re VERY important

1. Make Jello Jigglers: dinosaur and circle ones 

2. Make banana bread 

3. Make a fort/ color a cardboard box

4. Bounce house (we have one in the basement)

5. Bowling w household items 

6. Make necklaces out of pasta and string 

7. Make an obstacle course

8. Survive!

Now as I sit here in my pajamas all of that sounds way too ambitious. But tomorrow is a new day and golly piffle it will be a great -albeit cold- day!!!!

I’m baaaaaaaack

People have been asking me what happened to this blog. I’d like to think you all miss my witty and hilarious banter. More realistically you’re probably going through withdrawal from all the giggling you did at my naive and somewhat dense reactions to this life— surviving a life of 3 kids three years old and under is... funny. The struggle is real.

I’m gonna get deep for a second. I started an entry when baby girl turned 17 months old. It was going to be a deep meaningful post about how her first 17 months changed my outlook on life (which they did). And how she was almost 18 months- and how proud I am of her, of us, for surviving it and showing the world, medicine, the cruel ones, that we are warriors because we did it all and mostly with a smile- even through the pain and tears- but then it got too serious. And I kept thinking and rethinking about whether she would like to read (years down the line) a blog about her first 17 months and how she’d react, and so, with all that thinking, I kept putting it off- I procrastinated... for 2 months. Sooooo, we aren’t going to go there. She’s 19 months, she’s amazing, she’s the reason I can stand in the light, hell, she’s the light of my life. Her brothers are the wind beneath my wings and their dad brings out my fiery temper (ha!). I’m in love, moreso everyday, with these 4 humans that make my life. So there, I procrastinated... even though I hate to. And worst of all out of fear. Life is daunting sometimes, so we gotta laugh a little and then we come back and remember that, today, I chose to chase the kids in the mall... don’t tell my husband he was right and it was insanity. But that’s what we chose to do today in this “heat wave” of a high of 43 degrees. Have I mentioned I hate winter? But I love caffeine. I’ve had a lot of THAT today. 

So! Welcome back! Welcome to 2018! It’s gonna be an amazing year! Don’t we say that every year? I read somewhere that January is like the Monday of a new year every time. But it’s good, a fresh new beginning. Resolutions? Everyone’s got them! Exercise more, eat healthy, do this, don’t do that. I say, live in moderation... except with cookies and cake- golly piffle- I love those too much to ever limit myself.  This year is going to be the best ever, I’ve already outdone myself with planning 2/3 kids’ birthday parties (even though one is in June)... I got excited, ok? I haven’t worked out- I blame the winter blues for that- but that’s what February is for! Or the other 10 months. 

So here’s to you, to your resolutions. As for me, I’m just writing and posting funny quotes on a board everyday. My resolution(ish) is to make my friends smile, even if for a minute each day. And to try to live a happy life- with cake, and bread, and these crazies that keep my world spinning round and round. Maybe I should resolve to quit procrastinating and go wash some bottles? Meh maybe not- who knows!

The holidays are upon us

Back in the day when Linda Eder was my life, she sang a song about Christmas through a child’s eyes. The premise is the change in her from Christmas as she knew it to seeing the holiday through her son’s eyes. I pretended to know what she was talking about, better yet, I wholeheartedly believed I knew what she was talking about- but let’s be real: I had no idea. I babysat and nannied my whole life, but being a parent is a whole different beast. Being a mom is an all consuming task unlike any other, because even when they’re not climbing on you, when they’re not physically present, they’re still on your mind constantly— everything you do has, either directly or indirectly, something to do with your children. That my friends is what I didn’t understand. So, when I listened to and sang along to that song, I didn’t get it. Boy do I get it now.

Halloween is over and in my house that means it’s Christmas with Thanksgiving sprinkled in there -sorta. Yesterday, November 1, the cornucopia came out as did the snow village... (which is the grown up disguised way I still get to play Polly Pockets). And wow, the magic of Christmas is upon our house! Their excitement is uncanny and so beautiful to witness. 

Two years ago we wrapped my son’s presents in tissue paper, my mother in law’s brilliant idea, he was only 18 months-ish and it was easier to open the presents. He was more interested in said tissue paper than the presents themselves. Last Christmas, Santa became a thing. He was in awe of the Melissa and Doug kitchen we spent way too many hours assembling, and the true magic of Christmas began. This year WOW it’s going to be amazing. He is now 3.5 and our daughter is 17 months, she is into anything and everything big brother does. So I have a feeling it’s going to be doubly amazing. He will play with toys and she will play with tissue paper and maybe for one or two mornings they will play without fighting? Lol wishful thinking!!! 

Here is my reason for starting Christmas so early, my confession. I wish the magic of Christmas was present year round. People in general are nicer in the holiday season. People focus on the spirit of giving, on being kind, kids pay attention to Santa watching them. It is a kinder society we live in for this magical season. So in my book if it can happen for November and December, that’s at least 1/6 of the year that we can smile more, and the littles can believe more. 

Our elf, Snow, will be making his way to our house December 1 and we (parents aka grown up children) are ecstatic. My husband was solely in charge of Snow and his antics last year- it was marvelous! I didn’t have to worry about it! Snow was naughty and creative and silly and I got to see all of that magic through my son’s eyes. 

So thank you Linda Eder, Christmas through a child’s eyes now makes more sense in my heart and brings tears to my eyes. I hope I can always remember these beautiful childhood memories they are making because sometimes my heart is beaming so huge I’m afraid my chest will burst. Golly piffle I didn’t imagine I’d love anyone as much as I love this little (err big) family of mine! 

Bring on the holiday season!!!!!! 

Small Town USA

We put a sign in our yard for the upcoming school board elections and not 12 hours later, we had a neighbor notice and mistakenly ask if we were selling our house. No, no way, if I have a say about it we are here for the long haul. You see, I was born in São Paulo, Brazil. A huge metropolis, when I was a toddler we lived on the 19th floor of a high rise. As a child I longed for that small town feel... and at the age of 10 I got a taste of it.  When we moved to the US, we lived in Fair Haven, NJ for a few months, and man I knew I wanted that Smalltown USA feel, that was my dream, for my future family. We moved around quite a bit as my dad was settling down the new branch of his company, and as I adjusted to new school after new school, that dream for my future family was reinforced with each moving teuckZ. I wanted my kids to live in one place growing up, I wanted them to have a nostalgic feeling about a house, a town, strong memories of growing up in that one place. These seem like small or strange aspirations for a child, but I felt pretty strongly about it.

Fast forward 25 years and here we are, the epitome of Smalltown USA, snack dab in the middle of the heart of America. A lot has happened since that little girl rode her bike down the streets of Fair Haven, I’ve lived in lots of cities, a lot of houses, dorm rooms, apartments, but none have ever felt so right as this town, more specifically, this neighborhood. You see, we are not just a cluster of houses, there is a strong sense of family.  Friends or family that visit immediatelt notice, we are all in this together, our kids are growing up together and man does it feel good.

I’ve realized I can work hard to make a lot of my dreams come true, but one cannot control others, not for a second. Yet somehow, we have stumbled upon this magical place where we still give May Day baskets, our kids give Boo baskets to neighbors, if we go out of town, our neighbors dog sit, we don’t really need to schedule play dates, we can just go outside on the driveway and after a few minutes, our driveway is full of kids playing, adults chatting. We feed the catfish, or ducks at the pond, we push kids on the swings or have impromptu picnics at the playground, this is stuff of storybooks.

As we approach another year of trick or treating, it is not forgotten  how lucky we are to have this camaraderie within our little neighborhood.  We will trick or treat as a huge group again,  we will have people opening their doors with smiles on their faces, greeting our little ones by their names, commenting on their costumes.  It is 2017, a lot of the world is over populated, in this 21st century, digital world... it is not the norm to live on a first name basis with this many of your neighbors. I realize this is a rare gem, I want to hold onto it forever.

When our sweet girl was born, I knew she would need a posse, something bigger than her (now) two brothers. And golly piffle I think this is why we were placed in this neighborhood family in the first place, she is protected, we are loved, let this be a thank you note  to God, to the cosmos, to my peeps.

Eye’ve got #firstworldprobz

I keep telling myself to take care of me, but as you know, as mamas, as women, we usually put ourselves last on our priority totem pole don’t we? I’ve had these headaches, well I should say this ONE headache- for over 2 weeks now! I’ve blamed it on dehydration, not enough caffeine, too much caffeine, not enough sleep, hormones, all these reasons but no fixes I’ve tried have fixed it. Two nights ago my husband suggested maybe it’s my eyes.... 12 years ago I had LASIK eye surgery and got my sight “fixed”, no more contacts or glasses for me! They told me I would need readers when the time came... but at 34almost35, that’s too young for readers, right?

Well the headache is awful and right behind my eyes. I made the mistake of googling it and first thing that came up-TUMOR. I immediately closed the browser. The alternative my husband suggested is way less daunting than that. So today I put on my big girl pants and bought a pair of readers. The last time I had a life crisis like this was when I turned 25- almost ten years ago! I am so very sad about this, I feel so very OLD. Just when I thought my body was springing back to my old, younger, self, this happens!? So I’m wearing these today, before sucking it up and going to see an actual eye doctor... but sadly, it’s already making a difference, the page/phone looks cleaner, I’m not straining to see. I didn’t even know I was struggling in the first place!

In retrospect I’ve had a hard time, with my phone especially, for about a year now. Of course, I blamed it on the phone’s brightness, or on pregnancy, but here I am... 34almost35 and golly piffle I have old lady glasses on my face as I type this. It makes me want to scream, it makes me want to cry ... but then I tell myself to suck it up and be tough. Oh and the kids got flu shots today. #firstworldprobz 

As I just reread this I really am telling myself to suck it up. Life is good! Life is great! If this is the solution to these headaches, then who cares if I have to wear them every once in a while- another excuse for cute accessories. So many people with so many real problems and here I am complaining about something that can so easily be fixed. So I’m sorry if I wasted your time reading this. But it’s a lesson learned for me, I sometimes get so caught up in the little things, the drama of it all, that I have to take a step back to SEE -pun intended- that I am one of the lucky ones. So, I’m going to go bake some muffins (from a box don’t get excited) and focus on making those flu-shot babies feel better because guess what everyone? 

My head doesn’t hurt today!!!

Mommy Time Out

Guys, it happened... yesterday. I had to take a Mommy Time Out.  I felt so guilty as it happened, and I was almost in tears, but that's life, right?

Sundays are for family.
On the seventh day he rested.
Sundays are the day to lounge in your pjs all day.
Lazy Sundays.

These are my thoughts on Sundays.  Yesterday it was a fail.  I was woken up by my potty training preschooler who was DRY for the 6th morning in a row!!! Such a triumphant feat! I was so proud of him, except his celebration woke up his 16 month old teething sister AND his newborn brother! All before Mr. Sun was up. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I am NOT a morning person.  Neither is anyone in our little family.  This particular Sunday it was daddy's turn to sleep in- so I put on my Positive Pants and got my cup of coffee and began our relaxing Sunday.

There must have been something in the air that told all 3 of them to attach to me all morning long.  And I know what you're thinking, this is a short season, enjoy it.  One day they won't want you to read books to them every time you sit on the couch.  They won't want to climb on you and nuzzle their noses in your neck because even the smell of you gives them comfort.  Even as I type this, it makes me nostalgic.  But yesterday was a different story.  And then my sweet baby girl, right before my eyes, opened up the sealed Costco sized hand soap refill jug and spilled it all over my carpet.  I am so glad I was right there and took it away from her before she decided to eat any because that would have made for a very different discussion.  Her plan was was painting with it all.over.my.carpet... I learned my lesson that babies are FAST, I was 10 feet away and before I could get to her, the soap suds were imbedded in the carpet fibers.  Needless to say I have yet to get it off the carpet.  Thankfully daddy bathed her and she was happy as could be within minutes.

Mommy was boiling.
I was frustrated with myself for not closing her door so my son wouldn't have woken her so early.
I was frustrated that we were all up so early.
I was frustrated that I hadn't chosen to put the soap refill away first instead of the toilet paper rolls.
I was frustrated that I couldn't get a moment of peace to do my errands.  I was just frustrated.

So, I went on a run.  These have been frustrating on their own lately as I am not as fast as I was, I am not as fast as I'd like to be.  My body is not what it used to be... and I have to remind myself that I have grown three beautiful babies, three miracles, in this tired body.  The last sweet baby was just born 8 weeks ago.  But my patience is also a work in progress.  However, this run wasn't tired, this run was invigorating, the adrenaline was pumping, and the wind on my face gave me life again.

Golly piffle did I need that time, that space, that release of endorphins.

Afterwards, I remembered that I still had those Positive Pants on and thankfully, daddy had taken over, and all was calm and nap time recharged all of us.  By afternoon all was well, everyone was happy and we dressed up for a halloween party as planned.

Let this be a reminder to me, and hopefully you'll remember too, that Mommys need a time out every now and then.  Don't let the guilt consume you, release those endorphins, and hopefully you'll feel like a million bucks again, at least I did.