The holidays are upon us

Back in the day when Linda Eder was my life, she sang a song about Christmas through a child’s eyes. The premise is the change in her from Christmas as she knew it to seeing the holiday through her son’s eyes. I pretended to know what she was talking about, better yet, I wholeheartedly believed I knew what she was talking about- but let’s be real: I had no idea. I babysat and nannied my whole life, but being a parent is a whole different beast. Being a mom is an all consuming task unlike any other, because even when they’re not climbing on you, when they’re not physically present, they’re still on your mind constantly— everything you do has, either directly or indirectly, something to do with your children. That my friends is what I didn’t understand. So, when I listened to and sang along to that song, I didn’t get it. Boy do I get it now.

Halloween is over and in my house that means it’s Christmas with Thanksgiving sprinkled in there -sorta. Yesterday, November 1, the cornucopia came out as did the snow village... (which is the grown up disguised way I still get to play Polly Pockets). And wow, the magic of Christmas is upon our house! Their excitement is uncanny and so beautiful to witness. 

Two years ago we wrapped my son’s presents in tissue paper, my mother in law’s brilliant idea, he was only 18 months-ish and it was easier to open the presents. He was more interested in said tissue paper than the presents themselves. Last Christmas, Santa became a thing. He was in awe of the Melissa and Doug kitchen we spent way too many hours assembling, and the true magic of Christmas began. This year WOW it’s going to be amazing. He is now 3.5 and our daughter is 17 months, she is into anything and everything big brother does. So I have a feeling it’s going to be doubly amazing. He will play with toys and she will play with tissue paper and maybe for one or two mornings they will play without fighting? Lol wishful thinking!!! 

Here is my reason for starting Christmas so early, my confession. I wish the magic of Christmas was present year round. People in general are nicer in the holiday season. People focus on the spirit of giving, on being kind, kids pay attention to Santa watching them. It is a kinder society we live in for this magical season. So in my book if it can happen for November and December, that’s at least 1/6 of the year that we can smile more, and the littles can believe more. 

Our elf, Snow, will be making his way to our house December 1 and we (parents aka grown up children) are ecstatic. My husband was solely in charge of Snow and his antics last year- it was marvelous! I didn’t have to worry about it! Snow was naughty and creative and silly and I got to see all of that magic through my son’s eyes. 

So thank you Linda Eder, Christmas through a child’s eyes now makes more sense in my heart and brings tears to my eyes. I hope I can always remember these beautiful childhood memories they are making because sometimes my heart is beaming so huge I’m afraid my chest will burst. Golly piffle I didn’t imagine I’d love anyone as much as I love this little (err big) family of mine! 

Bring on the holiday season!!!!!! 

Small Town USA

We put a sign in our yard for the upcoming school board elections and not 12 hours later, we had a neighbor notice and mistakenly ask if we were selling our house. No, no way, if I have a say about it we are here for the long haul. You see, I was born in São Paulo, Brazil. A huge metropolis, when I was a toddler we lived on the 19th floor of a high rise. As a child I longed for that small town feel... and at the age of 10 I got a taste of it.  When we moved to the US, we lived in Fair Haven, NJ for a few months, and man I knew I wanted that Smalltown USA feel, that was my dream, for my future family. We moved around quite a bit as my dad was settling down the new branch of his company, and as I adjusted to new school after new school, that dream for my future family was reinforced with each moving teuckZ. I wanted my kids to live in one place growing up, I wanted them to have a nostalgic feeling about a house, a town, strong memories of growing up in that one place. These seem like small or strange aspirations for a child, but I felt pretty strongly about it.

Fast forward 25 years and here we are, the epitome of Smalltown USA, snack dab in the middle of the heart of America. A lot has happened since that little girl rode her bike down the streets of Fair Haven, I’ve lived in lots of cities, a lot of houses, dorm rooms, apartments, but none have ever felt so right as this town, more specifically, this neighborhood. You see, we are not just a cluster of houses, there is a strong sense of family.  Friends or family that visit immediatelt notice, we are all in this together, our kids are growing up together and man does it feel good.

I’ve realized I can work hard to make a lot of my dreams come true, but one cannot control others, not for a second. Yet somehow, we have stumbled upon this magical place where we still give May Day baskets, our kids give Boo baskets to neighbors, if we go out of town, our neighbors dog sit, we don’t really need to schedule play dates, we can just go outside on the driveway and after a few minutes, our driveway is full of kids playing, adults chatting. We feed the catfish, or ducks at the pond, we push kids on the swings or have impromptu picnics at the playground, this is stuff of storybooks.

As we approach another year of trick or treating, it is not forgotten  how lucky we are to have this camaraderie within our little neighborhood.  We will trick or treat as a huge group again,  we will have people opening their doors with smiles on their faces, greeting our little ones by their names, commenting on their costumes.  It is 2017, a lot of the world is over populated, in this 21st century, digital world... it is not the norm to live on a first name basis with this many of your neighbors. I realize this is a rare gem, I want to hold onto it forever.

When our sweet girl was born, I knew she would need a posse, something bigger than her (now) two brothers. And golly piffle I think this is why we were placed in this neighborhood family in the first place, she is protected, we are loved, let this be a thank you note  to God, to the cosmos, to my peeps.

Eye’ve got #firstworldprobz

I keep telling myself to take care of me, but as you know, as mamas, as women, we usually put ourselves last on our priority totem pole don’t we? I’ve had these headaches, well I should say this ONE headache- for over 2 weeks now! I’ve blamed it on dehydration, not enough caffeine, too much caffeine, not enough sleep, hormones, all these reasons but no fixes I’ve tried have fixed it. Two nights ago my husband suggested maybe it’s my eyes.... 12 years ago I had LASIK eye surgery and got my sight “fixed”, no more contacts or glasses for me! They told me I would need readers when the time came... but at 34almost35, that’s too young for readers, right?

Well the headache is awful and right behind my eyes. I made the mistake of googling it and first thing that came up-TUMOR. I immediately closed the browser. The alternative my husband suggested is way less daunting than that. So today I put on my big girl pants and bought a pair of readers. The last time I had a life crisis like this was when I turned 25- almost ten years ago! I am so very sad about this, I feel so very OLD. Just when I thought my body was springing back to my old, younger, self, this happens!? So I’m wearing these today, before sucking it up and going to see an actual eye doctor... but sadly, it’s already making a difference, the page/phone looks cleaner, I’m not straining to see. I didn’t even know I was struggling in the first place!

In retrospect I’ve had a hard time, with my phone especially, for about a year now. Of course, I blamed it on the phone’s brightness, or on pregnancy, but here I am... 34almost35 and golly piffle I have old lady glasses on my face as I type this. It makes me want to scream, it makes me want to cry ... but then I tell myself to suck it up and be tough. Oh and the kids got flu shots today. #firstworldprobz 

As I just reread this I really am telling myself to suck it up. Life is good! Life is great! If this is the solution to these headaches, then who cares if I have to wear them every once in a while- another excuse for cute accessories. So many people with so many real problems and here I am complaining about something that can so easily be fixed. So I’m sorry if I wasted your time reading this. But it’s a lesson learned for me, I sometimes get so caught up in the little things, the drama of it all, that I have to take a step back to SEE -pun intended- that I am one of the lucky ones. So, I’m going to go bake some muffins (from a box don’t get excited) and focus on making those flu-shot babies feel better because guess what everyone? 

My head doesn’t hurt today!!!

Mommy Time Out

Guys, it happened... yesterday. I had to take a Mommy Time Out.  I felt so guilty as it happened, and I was almost in tears, but that's life, right?

Sundays are for family.
On the seventh day he rested.
Sundays are the day to lounge in your pjs all day.
Lazy Sundays.

These are my thoughts on Sundays.  Yesterday it was a fail.  I was woken up by my potty training preschooler who was DRY for the 6th morning in a row!!! Such a triumphant feat! I was so proud of him, except his celebration woke up his 16 month old teething sister AND his newborn brother! All before Mr. Sun was up. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I am NOT a morning person.  Neither is anyone in our little family.  This particular Sunday it was daddy's turn to sleep in- so I put on my Positive Pants and got my cup of coffee and began our relaxing Sunday.

There must have been something in the air that told all 3 of them to attach to me all morning long.  And I know what you're thinking, this is a short season, enjoy it.  One day they won't want you to read books to them every time you sit on the couch.  They won't want to climb on you and nuzzle their noses in your neck because even the smell of you gives them comfort.  Even as I type this, it makes me nostalgic.  But yesterday was a different story.  And then my sweet baby girl, right before my eyes, opened up the sealed Costco sized hand soap refill jug and spilled it all over my carpet.  I am so glad I was right there and took it away from her before she decided to eat any because that would have made for a very different discussion.  Her plan was was painting with it all.over.my.carpet... I learned my lesson that babies are FAST, I was 10 feet away and before I could get to her, the soap suds were imbedded in the carpet fibers.  Needless to say I have yet to get it off the carpet.  Thankfully daddy bathed her and she was happy as could be within minutes.

Mommy was boiling.
I was frustrated with myself for not closing her door so my son wouldn't have woken her so early.
I was frustrated that we were all up so early.
I was frustrated that I hadn't chosen to put the soap refill away first instead of the toilet paper rolls.
I was frustrated that I couldn't get a moment of peace to do my errands.  I was just frustrated.

So, I went on a run.  These have been frustrating on their own lately as I am not as fast as I was, I am not as fast as I'd like to be.  My body is not what it used to be... and I have to remind myself that I have grown three beautiful babies, three miracles, in this tired body.  The last sweet baby was just born 8 weeks ago.  But my patience is also a work in progress.  However, this run wasn't tired, this run was invigorating, the adrenaline was pumping, and the wind on my face gave me life again.

Golly piffle did I need that time, that space, that release of endorphins.

Afterwards, I remembered that I still had those Positive Pants on and thankfully, daddy had taken over, and all was calm and nap time recharged all of us.  By afternoon all was well, everyone was happy and we dressed up for a halloween party as planned.

Let this be a reminder to me, and hopefully you'll remember too, that Mommys need a time out every now and then.  Don't let the guilt consume you, release those endorphins, and hopefully you'll feel like a million bucks again, at least I did.

I Won the Lottery

Get ready to be jealous ladies. I’m not talking a little jealous- I'm talking a lot. I won the husband lottery. I should have known just how lucky I was when, at 2 weeks in he threw me a freaking PROM for my birthday, I loved that night but I didn’t realize my life would be full of “proms”.

You see, my husband is thoughtful and kind, my best friend calls him “cheesy”, and God do I love it. He drops me pick up lines on a daily, even now, 11 years in. He is funny, he is a genius- Rainman smart- he is amazing with kids, and pretty much a charmer to anyone who is breathing. If you know my husband, you love him. I’m not just saying that; my mother loves him more than she loves me. He is a Frank Sinatra kind of guy, no.one.dislikes him. And I WON. He chose me,

I am the lucky one. 

And sometimes I think, as I have been pregnant for 30 of the last 50 months... why oh why did he put up with me? Then I remember, not only is he “it”, we took vows, we don’t believe in divorce. We discuss that often as too many of our friends and acquaintances call it quits.  And thank goodness we don't because golly piffle have I been hormonal through all the pregnancies and post partums.

But I’m not writing this just to toot his horn. I’m writing this to remind myself that it’s a partnership. We are both in this marriage, we are both parents, we are both in it for the long haul. It is hard.  It is SO HARD. It has evolved. We are not the spring chickens we used to be. We don’t live downtown in a loft apartment  across the street from the bar we love and frequent 4-5 nights a week anymore. Suburbia has taken over our lives. (I’ll have to do another post about our amazing neighborhood sometime) Kids have taken over. Our conversations aren’t so much about our dreams and aspirations, as they are about diapers, dinner, bath and kids’ behavior. We snap, well, mostly I snap and he tells jokes, but that’s just us. 

I digress. I won the husband lottery because our first son was born 3.5 years ago and my husband transformed into ten times the father I knew he would be. And I didn’t know he could be any better than that until our daughter was born and we were in a whirlpool of bad news and unexpected health ailment quicksand. I was a basket case of emotions and anxiety- and what did he do? He held me, told jokes, and he made friends with the NICU nurses about wiener dogs and with the NICU doctors about transformer prosthetic eyes.... this guy, my guy. I didn’t know eleven years ago when I met him that he would make the unbearable feel manageable.  That he would make just about anything we faced, doable and not just that, fun.  Then the third kid came along and now we just laugh... we are outnumbered.

But guess what? Even HE drives me batty sometimes and I have to remind myself that he is human. And needs me to compromise too at times. So, last night, because having a baby in our room has always caused him so much anxiety and lack of sleep... I moved our 2 month old out of our room. And it breaks my heart, because this is our last baby.  Moving this baby out of our room feels like one step closer to them all going to college and leaving me.. err us. Laugh, go ahead, because the rational part of me is laughing too at the ridiculousness of that statement. But it is true and I did it anyway. Because there are things that you do for the “man of the year” in your life. Things that kill you but make you stronger. At least me anyway. 

So tonight, I will take a deep breath and remind myself that it’s ok, we will be ok. And if not I’m sure my man will make fun of something I do and make me laugh at myself.  Life is short. Find someone that makes you laugh.

Who am I anyway?

Who am I anyway?

Am I my resume?

That is a picture of a person I don't know.

Bonus points if you can name that musical! 

I've been thinking about this one for a few days, in all my "free" time... hahaha I make myself LOL sometimes.

There are certain obstacles we face when adult-ing that we never ever imagined to cross our minds when we were kids.  I'm not talking about budgeting, dieting, or gray hair, I'm talking about the mental conflicts that we face as we grow older and there is more and more put on our plate.  As a kid I struggled to find my own identity, I (believe it or not) was not a leader, I would copy what my friends did, I would look to magazines for MY fashion style, it took me a very long time to find my own identity- thank you college.  But now as an adult, as a wife, as a mom, I find that I am working so very hard to keep that identity, or allow it to evolve without losing myself and only being a mom and wife.  Me, myself, and I are just as important as those 3 kiddos I clean up after!

When we had our first born, our lives changed completely but when he was 5 months old, I changed my professional life completely and put him in daycare, I worked all day for 2 years.  But I really wanted to stay home with them when we had our 2nd, so I quit that job, and we decided I would stay home, open an in home daycare, I said... thinking it would all be a piece of cake.  I am a hard worker, I said... I can make anything, work.  I babysat and nannied pre-kids, I said... this was going to be a breeze- and FUN staying home with the kids, playing happy home maker.  NEWSFLASH to my former self I AM NOT DOMESTIC! What was I thinking?  It was never going to be easy, but I fooled myself into thinking that and guess what, that short-tempered Latin hot blooded woman I was talking about the last post... she's also super stubborn, so don't try to talk me out of anything.  I have to find out for myself, and fall flat on my face to believe it.  

And boy did I fall.  

2016 was the hardest year of my life, mentally, physically, emotionally.  But I truly believe everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, whether we like it or not. Our daughter was born with some pretty hefty health issues that took a LOT of time and attention, especially that first year.  So thank -God- that I was home and was able to care for her ... that in home daycare? It went by the wayside after 3 months, and now I stay home and focus on our kids, we spend a lot of days at doctors appointments, speech therapy, and really, just figuring it all out.  It's our  new normal.  And then, that God I was talking about, with that secret plan he's unravelling as the years go by, He gave us a precious gift, some light to bring us/me out of that funk that was 2016, and now we have our 3rd baby, a bundle of joy, he is the calmest, most chill baby you will ever meet, with about enough hair to put Elvis to shame.  That huge hurdle of a year is now behind us, we now have these three babies each with their own challenges and ALL the joys in the world... we are the most blessed family.

...

Yet why is it that I have to work so hard some days to realize or figure out where that independent spitfire went?  

--Well people, mom-guilt is a real thing. - 

And sitting down for a cup of coffee doesn't happen in this line of work without that horrible nagging feeling that I should be cleaning, making dinner, getting ahead before I fall behind when they wake up from nap.  But guess what? Ever since I was gigantically pregnant this summer I have gifted myself this time.  Nap time is MY TIME to shine!  Shh don't tell anyone it's my favorite time of day.  It's time to reflect, to have a piece of cake, to drink my coffee in peace, to pee without an audience!  --I am also a planner, if you know me this is not new information-- I love me some events in my iCal, color coded, even playdates, yep that's me.  One of my favorite tasks is planning.  And now that our littlest baby is 2 months old, I have finally started making myself a priority.  The 3 of them will live, they will SHINE, even if... especially if, I spend some time on myself.  So I am going back to work ever.so.slowly. and working on my passions, and yes, it makes me more tired, but it makes me more ME which they deserve.  Don't the people I love most in the whole world need to get to know ME as they grow?

A fellow mom said to me this week "How do you do this? How do you have 3 kids and still manage to have a life?" Perception is a witch with a capital B people because I don't have a life,  I just have started making priorities for myself because golly piffle, I deserve it too.  And so do you.... don't you forget it.

Communication is the KEY

Communication is the KEY, and sometimes we all lose our keys don't we?



I believe that when couples are soul mates, they have the same smile.  I don't know if someone told me that at one point in my life or if I made that up, but that's my theory and I'm stickin' to it!  My husband and I "have the same smile" but man oh man sometimes the only statement that comes to mind is: Women are From Venus and Men are From Mars.  That book title- and statement - is truth in more ways than one... thousand!  And (to toot my own horn) I believe we are good communicators with each other, we speak the same language.  Well, most of the time at least.  This topic of discussion seems to be making its way into most conversations I have had with my girl friends the past few weeks.  And unfortunately, there is no answer, there's no recipe for the perfect relationship.  Actually, I am surprised relationships work as well as they do because there are so many factors that drive us batty from day to day that it's no wonder we take it out on our partners/spouses.

We have a newborn, a toddler, and a preschooler. Life is ROUGH, drama is plentiful and sleep is not. Yet how do we make it day in and day out without World War III on our hands?  Well it helps that my husband is the funniest and a charmer.  But what I find the most challenging is the way in which to successfully communicate.  Thankfully, it's 2017 and there are SO many ways to communicate with one another, we just have to find the right way so we don't lose our ...umm... keys.  In my case, I can't lie, one of my faults is my short temper, I don't try to pretend I have patience, I don't... it's a work in progress, aren't we all?

Thankfully, my husband and I have found that email is the best way to calmly begin discussions that might otherwise end up in disaster.  Thank you technology.  I also find texting to be a great way for me to calmly "talk".  When we first merged cell phone plans, my husband was surprised to see a $600 bill.  When he went to inquire about it, the phone company said we had exceeded the texting limit.  He was surprised to hear I had sent something like 1000 texts in a month... he switched us to an unlimited texting plan right then and there.  Our relationship has been golden since- ha!

Last night however we both got frustrated doing house project together.  We were annoyed at the project, he wouldn't speak, I babbled too much, and we went to bed mad.  Everyone's advice on our wedding day was don't go to bed mad... and we did!  We survived, everything is fine, we have learned our lesson: don't work on house projects together.  Just kidding, life is just a whole lot of lessons, and if it was perfect all the time we would be bored- or Stepfords.

We are lucky to have had some pretty serious curve balls thrown at us the past two years, it has brought us closer and reminded us that golly piffle, life is beautiful, even on the most stormy of days.

I will leave you with a list I've compiled on how to "win" an argument a discussion between you and your spouse.
1. apologize even if you don't think you're wrong
2. buy some flowers (or better yet coerce your husband to buy them for you)
3. wait for him to realize you are/were right- sometimes this may take longer than you'd like to wait
4. put yourself in his shoes
5. fake cry
*all in jest*

Girls Will Be... Women

This Facebook "me too" movement is really getting to me.  

#MeToo

If every person who has been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote "Me too" as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.

I didn't think it would and honestly I had to think long and hard to even include myself in the "me too" list.  I am so grateful for that.  My parents kept me in a pretty sheltered environment through my childhood, then by some stroke of luck, God, whatever you want to call it, I survived college unscathed.  Then, the more I kept thinking about it, I have been affected, but maybe I've been conditioned it because it's happened so often or for so long.  In my opinion, every woman has been harassed, maybe not assaulted, but every woman has been at least harassed.  Think about it, walking by a construction zone getting whistled at, catcalled, and then the kicker- getting called names when you ignore them! Because YES, all every female wants every morning is to wake up and pick up a guy who is whistling at her and making her feel uncomfortable- like an animal in a zoo, or worse- ... anyway, something's gotta change... and it's NOT the way females dress, it's NOT the way women present themselves.  It's human decency.

Everyday we thrive to teach our kids how to live polite-ly and to learn how to proper-ly behave.  Children learn that at such a young age, well, golly piffle, if every adult would abide by those simple rules:

-TO LIVE POLITE-LY AND TO LEARN HOW TO PROPER-LY BEHAVE-

we might live in a better world.  There are no exceptions to decent behavior, no matter who you are, where you're from, what you do, how much money you have: we are all human beings sharing this earth.  Why not treat each other as we'd like to be treated or BETTER?!

*off my soap box-- for now*

Learning To Be: "good"

Wasn't it just a few years ago that on the school yard that I was trying so hard to fit in? Just a few
years ago that my enemy one day became my "frenemy" the next? Just a few years ago that best friends were different everyday and I went from being the bully-ed to being the bully-ee at the drop of a hat?

Now the tables have turned and here I am, the mother of a son getting "terror-ized" on the bus one day, then getting in trouble at school, being cohorts with that exact "terror-ist" the next.

But the truth is that it never ends, does it? It's human nature to want to fit in.  We begin at a young age, and it never ends.  We want to be accepted by our peers- we try to fit in this societal "norm" whatever that may be that particular day.  It is all so scary- and we tell ourselves it is not- but deep down, it is so very difficult to be an individual, so very scary.  We have to train our brains to not judge, because you never know when the other shoe will drop.  Wanna know what's even scary-er? Setting your kids free in the jungle that is the world, or in my son's case currently, preschool.  It's terrifying as a mom!  My husband and I have had many conversations about it especially this week as our little/"big" guy is dealing with his first bout of negative peer pressure.  But what can we do, he has to learn how to be himself, how to navigate social situations... he has to learn how to be "good."  All we can do is show him, teach him right from wrong.

*IF YOU LOVE THEM SET THEM FREE*

Well, golly piffle, doesn't that take the strength of a thousand men? So we are focusing on that this week, in addition to potty training, after school activities, cooking, cleaning, laundry, work, all.the.things, life in general... but we will focus on being "good" and hope/pray that we are not messing it all up.