Reflection

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror today as I was trying to calm little Ms. Teething. It caught me by complete surprise. Was that me? A mother? When did this happen to me? As I rocked her, a million thoughts raced through my mind, like a mental scrapbook of the last fifteen years. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was dancing my life away in Buffalo? Or touring North America as a muppet? Or crying- I mean sobbing- because of my supposed infertility? God knows what he’s doing, and looking back it all makes sense... but it’s still surprising at times.

This tiny army of 3 encompasses 90% of my days, the other 10% is filled with doing laundry because let’s be honest, 5 people go through a.lot.of.laundry!!!! And I’m in it, I mean I look at myself in the mirror (almost) everyday, but today I saw myself in the middle of it all. And it was such a calming sight, no not the lack of make up, that was rather alarming, but the fact that I grew up. I’m not perfect, no way no how, but a lot of the time I get caught up in wanting their childhood to be that, perfect, that I forget to stop and breathe. So today, I had an unexpected moment of reflection, a fleeting moment which will stay with me for a while. 

I’m a perfectionist in my life and in each task I take on whether it be a friendship or a project or choreography, or a show... and that has bled onto my children. Golly piffle, I KNOW they’re not going to be perfect but I want them to try their best at all times. I realize that’s something I need to work on. It’s too much pressure to put on these little people, I’m working on it. As Idina Menzel sings, I’m trying to 🎶 Let it gooooooo 🎶 as much as I can! 

So, it may not be today, because we are all probably going to be drooling over JT’s concert and then crying over This is Us, but sometime... give yourself some grace and look in the mirror- you are more than you ever thought you would be, you are amazing just the way you are. 

Now, go hydrate! 

I love you, thanks for the inspiration 💋 

It’s all relative

Isn’t it? All relative that is.... Human beings are amazing because we learn to adapt so quickly to our surroundings, to situations, to circumstance. I love learning about the human mind because there is always something new, and in each and every one of us, the balance can be tipped so quickly, so interestingly. The universe has a way, too, of tipping that balance in the blink of an eye. What was once normal can in a split second be flipped upside down. 

I am thankful, grateful, for all the hardship I’ve had to endure... and my life has been relatively peaceful. But the few obstacles have been gigantic. But then again they all are when you’re in the moment-it’s all about perspective. When my sweet Elza was born, my mentality changed and I’ll forever have her to be thankful for that. In my, pre-kid, younger days, I wasn’t as kind, I wasn’t as patient, I wasn’t as understanding. They have changed me. 

🎶 “Because I knew you I have been changed for the better” 🎶 

Ok here’s a little ditty. Imagine the kindest human you could ever meet. Not the fake annoying niceness that is ridiculous and not real. No, the kindest, most patient, selfless. That’s this friend of mine... and she has a daughter who I’m lucky enough to have become good friends with too! These friendships with these women has made me a better human, a better friend. 

It’s all relative right? The universe doesn’t throw any curve balls we can’t catch right? God has a plan, he doesn’t throw us balls we can’t handle.  Well, at 13 years old, that KIND, selfless, and patient friend’s husband was diagnosed with Polycystic Kidney Disease. (https://pkdcure.org/) He was honest with her 10+ years ago when they were still dating and she knew, his life expectancy was shorter than most. And I’m not her, but even 10 years ago, I thought I was pretty invincible. Bad things didn’t happen to me, and my life was all musicals and flap ball changes— life was seemingly stressful but it was so not. Well 10 years have come and gone and his PKD timer has gone off. He is 36 years old and as of yesterday he is on the UNOS transplant list for a new kidney. 

WHAT?

This just got real. 

How overwhelming, daunting and what a kick in the guts. It’s been a long time coming, but don’t we all think we are invincible until we are not? Is this how humans can try new things? Create these amazing inventions? Cure diseases? Because of our perceived invincibility disguised as bravery? I don’t know. But here we are, I have 3 kids, one with health issues, which we are managing (she’s a warrior princess and rocking at life after all), and now a friend on the transplant list. Golly piffle isn’t enough for this one- WTFFFFFFF universe?

 Life isn’t fair. 

Give the guy a damn kidney, and quick. 

My friend, the kindest human you could ever meet. And her husband, hilarious, intelligent, creative and above all, kind. They get dealt this deck of cards. And they’re dealing with it, with smiles on their faces because that’s what we do... real bravery. I can’t imagine being the primary caretaker of someone in such dire constraints health-wise: Oh wait, yes I can. And it’s been a minute, I can write about it now. IT SUCKS. It’s so overwhelming, it’s literally maddening. And it’s no one’s fault, and you just get through the day, you get through it all. Because you have to and you don’t know any different because these are your loved ones. These are the people who need you but conversely, the people we need the most. 

Surviving without these guys is not an option.

So my heart goes out to my friend, to her husband, and if any of you are brave enough to donate a kidney. This is not a joke, a real request, I’ll post a link at the bottom to contact them and get tested. This is real life, and it weighs a ton of bricks. And these challenges make us better people, but sometimes I ask, why do such amazing people have to be put through the ringer? ... perhaps because a weaker being wouldn’t be able to handle it. What a daunting responsibility. My love goes out to my friends, and a prayer, or 1000, that he gets a kidney ASAP and can find normalcy in that. Because golly piffle you both deserve it. Now excuse me while I wipe away these tears from my face. 😢 

If giving a kidney is too much or you’re not a match, you can still help, donate here: 

http://support.pkdcure.org/site/TR/DIY/DIYforPKD?px=1102875&pg=personal&fr_id=1762

If you’re interested the # is (913)588-0266 or their website kansashealthsystems.com/transplant

His name is Dan Harmon his bday is 10/27/81

Sigh- I’m praying for my friends. Thank you for even considering it 💋