Homework or not?

With the new school year upon us, this discussion has come up more often than not among us moms- what is the right answer? In my opinion, no one knows. But by golly there has been a lot of research on it! When I was a kid, we were buried in homework it seemed like. It was just the norm. The thing is, different people learn differently. This is a proven fact and well known in education and otherwise. I am a routine person, I thrive on a calendar, gone are the days of personal paper planners but now I absolutely love my color coded iCal on my phone, iPad, computer etc. Each family member, job, activity, has its own color and woah that thing fills up fast. And I love looking at it... routine is great for me. 

So if you ask me if I want my kid to have homework the answer is yes! It’s routine! But then reality hits and if my brand new kindergartner comes home with homework and I have to juggle swim lessons, dance classes, diaper changes and toddlers all while encouraging and helping him do his homework.... yikes!  So, ok, fine... I change my answer! No homework please! Hmm, can we meet somewhere in the middle because I want my kids to succeed! And if one day, if they’re unemployed with no aspirations, I will go back to this day and mom guilt will resurface all over again and I will blame myself because I chose no homework. 

So, I will stand by my first answer of no homework. But- and this is a big but, we will do our own “homework” with taking the trash out, helping with vacuuming, helping bathe the dog... as well as color sorting M&Ms into color coordinating bowls... and eating some (mom too)... and my favorite, our Kumon book. 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/4774307076/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_U.qDDb4SSPPSC

I start these with my kids at 3 years old. We only do one page a day, it’s their “school work” and they absolutely love it. I have graduated my kindergartener now to a penmanship book, again a very small amount of actual bookwork, for that “routine” aspect. I guarantee that is one of the reason my son even knows how to write his name. Thank you Kumon books. And here is the beauty of routine, by the time they’ve done this book for a week or two, they can do it virtually unsupervised and I can cook dinner, or unload the dishwasher, or pour that glass of wine we all need with 3 kids 5 and under 😉. 

We are all different, but one thing is the same, life gets busy! Let’s try to do it with a smile— 😊 

Two years of Ellielu

Two ears ago today, we drove to the hospital. I was bursting at the seams, literally, so large and pregnant with so much amniotic fluid, swollen, hot, and ready to meet our little girl. I had been waiting for this day for as long as I could remember. I couldn’t wait to see her, to hold her, to cover her in kisses. 

We checked in at 7am, I was extremely anxious. You see with our first I had gone through 50+ hours of congractions, epidurals, pushing, sleep deprivation, etc before the cesarian. So I didn’t care how, I wanted him OUT. This time, it was a scheduled cesarian. I was terrified of the needles, of feeling the scalpel, of it all— so much so that the anesthesiologist (an angel in disguise) gave me some calming medication in my IV as they started the process. 

Little miss wasn’t ready to come out, the dr had to reach up and enlarge my incision to reach her and she was (finally) here! On her due date. She was out! ... and then- silence- an influx of doctors. (where did they all come from? Were they waiting in the wings somewhere?) no one was saying anything, she wasn’t crying. Then suddenly a doctor, thankfully I’ve forgotten her name, started describing what she saw- I didn’t hear a word, I wanted to see her, hold her, cover her in kisses. Prolapsed throat is what I heard. They showed her to me briefly, but I was being stitched up, I was strapped to the table, I barely saw anything. They took her away, I told my husband to go with her. I was terrified. But she needed him. She was brand new! 

The rest of that day is a blur. A complete blur. I remember being wheeled into the Nicu, holding her briefly, then taking her away again, standing (minutes? Hours? After being cut open...) you see, she was in the Nicu bed which was tall and I couldn’t see her/touch her without standing. My pain didn’t matter. She was brand new. I was old news. 

I don’t remember when I first held her for an extended period of time, but once I did I’m sure I covered her in kisses.  The future was unknown and the unknown was terrifying. But as the days and weeks went on, she beat the odds left and right. Her nickname is warrrior princess because golly piffle, she really is. 

That day and the fear of the unknown is fading with time. And today, we celebrate our mighty warrior princess, two years later and she is still beating the odds left and right. Thank the lord. God has a plan, and that day, two years ago, I didn’t see it. I am thankful she brought with her His light. Our little Ellielu lights up every room and will continue to teach all of us patience, love, kindness and understanding. She has changed us all for the better.

And today, and for the rest of my days, I will continue to see her, hold her, and cover her with kisses.

Happiest of birthdays, light of my life, ELH

Mother’s Day

Every day should be mother’s day. Women in all walks of life are mother’s. My little E is 23 months and she is a mama to baby W, she gives him his bottle, claps for him, tells him to jump. It is the sweetest thing. She also carries her baby dolls around like they’re real ... it is innate, I believe. We all need a pet of some sort pre-kids, whether that pet is a fur baby, a needy partner, a job or merely an obsession. So we should celebrate this. Necessity is the mother of creation (and creativity in my book)... without women, this world wouldn’t be where it is. 

Behind every great man is a woman. Duh. We are all mothers. Today, let’s celebrate every type of mama. I will raise my mimosa, coffee, wine, Diet Coke, whatever, glass to all of you. To all of us. 

Enjoy this day. Try to at least as most of us know it won’t be a “day off”, but just another day. 

Golly piffle like I said. Mother’s Day should be everyday! 

Love to your mother! 

✌🏼 

If nothing is going right...

Have you ever had one of those days where nothing is going your way? Yesterday was one of those days over here. The baby has a cold, he is not sleeping. So mama isn’t sleeping. After a sleepless night, every little thing gets me, it’s like the world is a conspiracy against me. Lucky me though, my husband took today off so he stayed up with baby last night. And golly p, he is a much better sport than I am! Maybe it’s because he has a better disposition ... thank goodness for him. 

Today I remembered, “when nothing is going right— GO LEFT” and that I did today. It was a much better day, I got a lot accomplished, I felt good by the end of it.   I have to constantly remind myself that life will not always be this physically demanding. That these littles will one day be much more self sufficient, and that then the challenges will be of a different sort. More mind games or so I’m told. 

Speaking of mind games, I have a tendency of playing those myself. I am what we label as a “worry wart”. Always have been probably always will be. E has had speech therapy since she was 1 month old. Let’s be honest, her first appointment was at about 36 hours old at the hospital. Babies? Speech therapy? Mind blown. But yes. And it has been frustrating for me at almost every turn. Not because she’s not capable, but the expectation seems to be just out of our reach every time. Every milestone seems to be a little farther away than what we are wanting at that time. But today, we visited a good friend and got a second opinion and they eased my mind in such a way that, for today at least, my mind games have quieted and I am hopeful. She is a warrior princess and surprises us at every turn, always has and I believe always will... but this made my demons recede and my hopes and dreams shine for her. Because after all, she goes left all the time when nothing else seems to be going right. That’s who she is, she has that disposition. They all do- they got it from their daddy. Thank goodness for him. 

So let’s all go left tomorrow because it’s a new day and isn’t it all about perspective? Or our reaction? I say, let’s allow positivity to rule the roost, even if for one day. We gotta start somewhere. 💋 

Damn It

I don’t remember the last time those words were uttered under this roof... it’s not like profanity doesn’t exist in our household, just not that specific combination. Yet lo and behold, what does our adorable, intelligent, and obvi troublemaking 4 year old say at school today? Oh just DAMN IT... then another student repeated it. 

“What did you learn today in school sweetie?”

 “Oh you know, just: damn it.” 

Should we be proud that at least he used it in the correct context? Or should we be ashamed that that is the case? Who knows.

My immediate reaction was embarrassment but after a pep talk from a fellow (turkey wolf) friend, I had to breathe stretch shake let it go. Kids will be kids and will do things we don’t want them to, that’s the only way they learn, right? So, no iPad or tv for 3 days... that’s a loooooong time for a 4 year old. But wait a minute, after one day, who is being punished? Me or him? HA! That’s a loooooong time for a mom!

Curse words are the reason golly piffle was instated in our family vocabulary!!!! Golly piffle, damn it is not acceptable, child! 

So, check in with me in 2 more days to make sure we are still a-go, because pffffffft pbs and nick jr, you’re already missed. 

Nostalgia

I don’t consider myself a nostalgic person. My husband would probably disagree but hey, he married me anyway. I consider myself a dramatic go with the flow kind of personality. Because let’s be honest without the drama- life would be pretty boring. Let that drama emphasize life a little bit!

As of late I have been getting a little emotional/nostalgic about everyday events. Mind you this is the first time in about 4 years that I haven’t been pregnant.. but I’m not talking about crying buckets, I’m talking about being with pride at these minions of mine.

Our girl has had some swallowing issues since day 1. She is down to 1/2 teaspoon per 12oz. She started out with 4 tablespoons per 8oz. So I’d say she’s doing pretty well. Although the weaning process has been looooong to say the least. But we are almost there, I can see her light. -it shines bright like a diamond- The other day, she ate an entire McD’s happy meal and I didn’t have to cut anything or replace anything with a puree. Chicken nuggets, apples and fries. She just cashed the whole thing. I was so proud I could have cried, had I been with child I would have, but I’m not and I didn’t but man oh man was I happy. 

Our oldest (who turns 4 today!) has been teaching me how to be a mama for 4 years now. And man he wants me to know how to handle just about every scenario- I thank him for that! He has been learning how to read sight words and it is truly remarkable how intelligent he is. Proud is an understatement. This little boy went from a smiley little cuddle ball to this little boy who is fearless. Orders his own meals at restaurants, isn’t afraid to try new things, talk to people, show the world his kind heart. I am so proud of all of his accomplishments in this short short life of his.

Golly piffle.

The days are long but the years are so short.

When/how did the time go so quickly? How is he learning how to read, carrying on conversations, telling jokes!? Again, I’m normally not one to dwell on nostalgia, but these little guys are getting me these days! Thank you all so much for loving my kiddos as much as you do!

We are the luckiest. 

Reflection

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror today as I was trying to calm little Ms. Teething. It caught me by complete surprise. Was that me? A mother? When did this happen to me? As I rocked her, a million thoughts raced through my mind, like a mental scrapbook of the last fifteen years. Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was dancing my life away in Buffalo? Or touring North America as a muppet? Or crying- I mean sobbing- because of my supposed infertility? God knows what he’s doing, and looking back it all makes sense... but it’s still surprising at times.

This tiny army of 3 encompasses 90% of my days, the other 10% is filled with doing laundry because let’s be honest, 5 people go through a.lot.of.laundry!!!! And I’m in it, I mean I look at myself in the mirror (almost) everyday, but today I saw myself in the middle of it all. And it was such a calming sight, no not the lack of make up, that was rather alarming, but the fact that I grew up. I’m not perfect, no way no how, but a lot of the time I get caught up in wanting their childhood to be that, perfect, that I forget to stop and breathe. So today, I had an unexpected moment of reflection, a fleeting moment which will stay with me for a while. 

I’m a perfectionist in my life and in each task I take on whether it be a friendship or a project or choreography, or a show... and that has bled onto my children. Golly piffle, I KNOW they’re not going to be perfect but I want them to try their best at all times. I realize that’s something I need to work on. It’s too much pressure to put on these little people, I’m working on it. As Idina Menzel sings, I’m trying to 🎶 Let it gooooooo 🎶 as much as I can! 

So, it may not be today, because we are all probably going to be drooling over JT’s concert and then crying over This is Us, but sometime... give yourself some grace and look in the mirror- you are more than you ever thought you would be, you are amazing just the way you are. 

Now, go hydrate! 

I love you, thanks for the inspiration 💋 

It’s all relative

Isn’t it? All relative that is.... Human beings are amazing because we learn to adapt so quickly to our surroundings, to situations, to circumstance. I love learning about the human mind because there is always something new, and in each and every one of us, the balance can be tipped so quickly, so interestingly. The universe has a way, too, of tipping that balance in the blink of an eye. What was once normal can in a split second be flipped upside down. 

I am thankful, grateful, for all the hardship I’ve had to endure... and my life has been relatively peaceful. But the few obstacles have been gigantic. But then again they all are when you’re in the moment-it’s all about perspective. When my sweet Elza was born, my mentality changed and I’ll forever have her to be thankful for that. In my, pre-kid, younger days, I wasn’t as kind, I wasn’t as patient, I wasn’t as understanding. They have changed me. 

🎶 “Because I knew you I have been changed for the better” 🎶 

Ok here’s a little ditty. Imagine the kindest human you could ever meet. Not the fake annoying niceness that is ridiculous and not real. No, the kindest, most patient, selfless. That’s this friend of mine... and she has a daughter who I’m lucky enough to have become good friends with too! These friendships with these women has made me a better human, a better friend. 

It’s all relative right? The universe doesn’t throw any curve balls we can’t catch right? God has a plan, he doesn’t throw us balls we can’t handle.  Well, at 13 years old, that KIND, selfless, and patient friend’s husband was diagnosed with Polycystic Kidney Disease. (https://pkdcure.org/) He was honest with her 10+ years ago when they were still dating and she knew, his life expectancy was shorter than most. And I’m not her, but even 10 years ago, I thought I was pretty invincible. Bad things didn’t happen to me, and my life was all musicals and flap ball changes— life was seemingly stressful but it was so not. Well 10 years have come and gone and his PKD timer has gone off. He is 36 years old and as of yesterday he is on the UNOS transplant list for a new kidney. 

WHAT?

This just got real. 

How overwhelming, daunting and what a kick in the guts. It’s been a long time coming, but don’t we all think we are invincible until we are not? Is this how humans can try new things? Create these amazing inventions? Cure diseases? Because of our perceived invincibility disguised as bravery? I don’t know. But here we are, I have 3 kids, one with health issues, which we are managing (she’s a warrior princess and rocking at life after all), and now a friend on the transplant list. Golly piffle isn’t enough for this one- WTFFFFFFF universe?

 Life isn’t fair. 

Give the guy a damn kidney, and quick. 

My friend, the kindest human you could ever meet. And her husband, hilarious, intelligent, creative and above all, kind. They get dealt this deck of cards. And they’re dealing with it, with smiles on their faces because that’s what we do... real bravery. I can’t imagine being the primary caretaker of someone in such dire constraints health-wise: Oh wait, yes I can. And it’s been a minute, I can write about it now. IT SUCKS. It’s so overwhelming, it’s literally maddening. And it’s no one’s fault, and you just get through the day, you get through it all. Because you have to and you don’t know any different because these are your loved ones. These are the people who need you but conversely, the people we need the most. 

Surviving without these guys is not an option.

So my heart goes out to my friend, to her husband, and if any of you are brave enough to donate a kidney. This is not a joke, a real request, I’ll post a link at the bottom to contact them and get tested. This is real life, and it weighs a ton of bricks. And these challenges make us better people, but sometimes I ask, why do such amazing people have to be put through the ringer? ... perhaps because a weaker being wouldn’t be able to handle it. What a daunting responsibility. My love goes out to my friends, and a prayer, or 1000, that he gets a kidney ASAP and can find normalcy in that. Because golly piffle you both deserve it. Now excuse me while I wipe away these tears from my face. 😢 

If giving a kidney is too much or you’re not a match, you can still help, donate here: 

http://support.pkdcure.org/site/TR/DIY/DIYforPKD?px=1102875&pg=personal&fr_id=1762

If you’re interested the # is (913)588-0266 or their website kansashealthsystems.com/transplant

His name is Dan Harmon his bday is 10/27/81

Sigh- I’m praying for my friends. Thank you for even considering it 💋 

It Takes a Village

Have you read HRC’s Children’s book? It is so perfectly illustrated, so mature, smart and inclusive beyond words. And so the #truth. It takes a village.

The more I grow up, the more my family seems to multiply, the more I am astounded by my parents’ bravery in moving to a new foreign country with 2 young kids, and (essentially) no village... how did they do it? I have no clue, now from the other side I admire them even more. I am forever grateful for them not only raising us as (I’d like to think) good humans, but maintaining their sanity throughout. You see, my sister and I were 7&10 when we moved to NJ for a short stint, to a few little (adorable) tiny towns with-from what I can recall- little to no immigrants- my question is, those first few years who did she turn to? FaceTime and Skype were not things, the internet -get ready for this-had.not.been.invented.yet. #imold. I do remember one or two families we befriended who were also Brazilian... maybe there was a mama village albeit small that I just don’t remember as I was so young and oblivious. Once we moved to O-town, things must have gotten better. The village grew, thank goodness... that family of mine is all sorts of realness and amazing. Even as a kid, I needed that. Stop, as I read this I realize I am not being fair. My family in Brazil is amazing-but they’re in Brasil.... so O-town clan became it for celebrations, successes, failures, sicknesses, all of it. And I am forever grateful. 

As they grow, we will try to make the kids see just how lucky we are to have an amazing village opening up their homes and hearts to us as we survive these first few years. It’s a season people keep telling me. I love everyday and everyday simultaneously exhausts me so. It is such a beautiful, chaotic, nerve racking experience I never could have imagined and believe me I tried. 

Today we had an impromptu visit from a dear friend and it rejuvenated me, I borrowed some spaghetti sauce from a neighbor and it lightened my load, I am so glad for these people who make life a little easier everyday. Golly piffle where would I be without them? Probably a slobbering mess feeding my kids tortelini dry, maybe dipped in salsa eww. 

I digress... My husband is the most generous human I have ever met, he is jovial, he is kind, he is funny, he is sweeter than the sweetest candy you have ever tasted. He makes me want to give everything I own to anyone deserving simply because it’s the right thing to do. He makes me a better human. It’s like he is the mayor of this little village of mine; at least in my eyes he is. We try to return the favor to this little village of ours and beyond... we are kind in our family, we open up our home to any and everyone, I can only hope our littles see it and live this way as they grow into adults. Cheers to trying to make the world a better place- thanks to all of you. 

Apple juice

Why aren’t iPhone chargers called apple juice? I’m so punny, go ahead you can think it, you can say it aloud. Or you can chuckle at me or with me- smile, it gives us life. If I were an iPhone, I got some apple juice this morning. But I’m not, I’m a mama, so I got a mimosa and coffee and conversation ... at brunch... with my mama posse. It was glorious, a wonderful way to recharge my battery.

Prior to having little ones I didn’t fully grasp the concept of how time away from the kids makes you appreciate them more- makes you a better parent. It is so true, so necessary! As we move forward, as this insanity becomes a more manageable reality, we learn, (and I personally am learning) that we need time for us... not just date night, not just work time with other adults- who can bring us out of diapers and nick jr-for some “me” time. Frivolous time essentially misconstrued as unnecessary, but here’s a tip for new moms: IT IS SO INCREDIBLY ESSENTIAL!!!! My husband and I have been trying to give each other some grace as of late, each one biting the bullet and allowing the other to take some time away, because that apple juice is so necessary for life, for a better tomorrow. 

You know what’s funny? I had wonderful conversation at brunch, finally, a conversation with a super intelligent group of women about concepts, ideas, our personal history, and every single topic of conversation came back to the babies, to the center of our worlds! Shows our love, right? Shows our insanity as mamas, we crave that time away to recharge yet our minds are never fully away. Here’s my question, does it ever go away? The feeling of being pulled in a million directions? I heard it gets worse once the kids are grown and not needing you 100%, once they move out and the worry is not just about a scraped knee or sticking their little hands in the toilet, but of driving, parties, bills, etc. Golly piffle life is rough.

One of my mentors tells me to worry is to not have faith. So I try not to worry but wow it’s difficult. Another one of my mentors has her kids spread out all over the world and I can’t imagine her worry, yet she encouraged them to conquer the world. What love these women have for their grown children. I strive to be more like them everyday. AND remind myself to get some apple juice- or orange juice & champagne... because as my very first mentor in life told me before I went to college: everything in moderation. It has stuck with me, food, alcohol, kids, dance- everything in moderation. Where would I be without these women giving me the keys to the world?

 I am the luckiest- Ben Folds knew it when he wrote that song. 

So, today, how are YOU going to recharge your battery? Give yourself some grace, give your partner some space, share the love not only for your kids, but for yourself. You matter too. 💋